Celebrating T

We had so much fun seeing our family and friends celebrating T with us. We received pictures of people letting off balloons and also playing in the water. Both were perfect in remembering Tacen with us. We appreciate so much those who celebrated with us and shared their pictures or sent kind words on his special day! We are so blessed to be surrounded by so many who show us so much love! We hope Tacen caught a few of the balloons that were sent up his way!

A Tacen Day

July 2, 2014 - Tacen's 4th birthday. We had a good, but hard day, as was expected! We got up that day and had breakfast, banana pancakes, Tacen liked pancakes. Then we got ready and headed out to the splash park in Collierville. This was a favorite of Tacen's. Really anything with water brought a huge smile on his face!!! He always loved the water!

We had fun running around in the water and playing with Daxon. He enjoyed it. Sweet Iszella just slept in her carseat until it was time to eat. Then she ate and hung out in the front carrier, she was a trooper especially in the heat!  We ended off at the park before heading home for naps.

During nap time Cade picked up some blue balloons and we got showered. Once Daxon got up we headed into Lebonhuer. We went up to Bunny Lane and dropped off the toys our friends and family had given us to donate. I sadly didn't take any pictures.
We decided while we were at Le Bonhuer that we'd go to our Neurologist, Dr. Fulton's office and pick up Tacen's medical records. Dr. Fulton had also asked us to periodically give him an update on how Daxon was doing, since we never did find out what exactly Tacen had and there's no guarantee our other children won't have the same thing. Cade had been wanted to email Dr. Fulton a video showing how incredibly mobile Daxon really is.
While we were there I thought of our nurse, Lana who was a great connection in getting messages to Dr. Fulton and helping us get past the front desk. Cade asked for her or Dr. Fulton and she came out. We explained that we wanted to see if we could get an email or something to show Dr. Fulton Daxon. She proceeded to say, "oh, he's right here let me go get him!" They both came back out. They both remembered us well (which is slightly surprising since it had been almost two years since we'd been in and I'm certain they've seen 100's if not 1000's of patients)! We sat and talked with Dr. Fulton for an hour!
He was so pleased to see how well Daxon was doing and kept saying, "I'm so glad to see him doing so well." He's expecting a baby himself in a month or two. First child! We talked about that and our plans to move. We talked about Tacen. I mentioned the article I had seen about the children in California with their cells being slightly swollen and wondered if that was at all similar to Tacen. He said the symptoms might have been similiar, but the cause wouldn't have been. It was great to see Dr. Fulton again. He is such a kind, humble, intelligent man! We were so lucky to have him as Tacen's Dr. He even told me that he still had a note on his desk that nurse Lana had written when we called to ask some questions before Tacen was hospitalized. He said he just couldn't bring himself to throw it away, sentimental reasons. What a wonderful man. It was really lovely to see him and really added to our Tacen day!
After Le Bonhuer we came home and had Italian Chicken for dinner with rice. In honor of Tacen loving rice, then we blew out the candles on Tacen's cake, let off the balloons and enjoyed the cake while watching our Tacen video and picture slide show we made. We reminisced about our sweet boy. We miss him and wish so much that he was still here with, but we will be eternally grateful for the way he touched our lives and that we will be with him again. It was a nice day to remember our special boy and celebrate him!

Happy 4th Birthday

Four years ago today our sweet Tacen was born into this world! He made me a mother! He came after 5 1/2 hours of labor including an hour of pushing! He was a beautiful, healthy 8 lb 9 oz baby boy, with a full head of dark brown hair and rolls right from the start! Fireworks went off outside the hospital not long after he was born! It was the beginning of a beautiful journey!

After experiencing all the firsts in the first year Tacen was gone from our life I realized for me his birthday is the hardest! It's a day when we should be celebrating him! He should be here another year older! I should be recording the things he's learned and how he's grown, the milestones we've hit! Yet, for right now he's not here doing those mortal things and on his birthday especially that flat out stinks!!!! 

I thought October would be difficult thinking of the days and weeks leading up to his death, but for me nothing will be harder than the year I actually experienced it! October didn't seems so bad. 

So on Tacen's birthday we think of him! We are planning to spend the day together as a family doing Tacen things! I asked Cade to take a personal day and spend the day with us. I knew I could face the day better with him by my side!  If you knew Tace you knew he loved water! It always brought a smile to his face! We'll be playing in water, dropping off some gifts to Bunny Lane and having a dinner with rice (another favorite we often called Tacen our sumo wrestler) and ending the day with cake and letting off four blue balloons to send to Tacen to heaven!

It's hard not to miss our sweet boy! His sweet smile and amazing snuggles. It's hard not to think what might have been if he was still here with us. I often try to picture what it might be like! Although, as hard as I try I won't know. I have many sweet memories of Tacen that I hold dear to my heart, but I can no longer recall what it was like to have him here with us. I miss him!

Yet, reality is that he's not here! So on this, your fourth birthday, we celebrate you T! We know you're closer than we realize! We feel you watching out for us! We'll always miss you until we are together again! But we know you've got something important to do! We think of you often! Thanks for giving me the chance to be your mom! I know I was far from perfect, but I did my best! I always felt your love and that was more than enough of a reward to keeping trying! Now buddy I'm still trying to become better so I can be with you again some day! Until that day, I love you! Happy birthday sweet boy!