Happy 10th Birthday Tacen

Dearest Tacen-

You would be 10 years old today! 10! It's crazy to think you'd be double digits! That I've been a parent for a decade! Crazy! We have been working to finish the last bedroom in our basement and it is going to be a guest bedroom/exercise room. I am decorating it with your things. Your name, your temple picture and Jesus picture and some other pictures of you. I am also going to get some different car pictures and make a car collage that I think you would LOVE! I've always wanted to have a room for you and get your things back out. At least some of them.
As we were pulling out your box there were a few t-shirts that we kept separate from the ones Daxon wore when he was your age. As I pulled them out it was surprising to me to remember how small they were and how small you are. I think in part because as Daxon has aged I picture you being big like him even though I also can't picture that...if that makes any sense. It made me miss you more that day and wish you were still here.
Daxon still talks often of wishing you were here to be his brother. I asked Lula the other day where you were and she said movies and pictures. So we had a nice talk about how you are in heaven with Jesus. The kids ask often when you will get to come back. When is Jesus coming again so we can see Tacen? It's been a long time! It's taking FOREVER!
The moments I feel you near are some of my favorites. It doesn't happen as often as it used too, so I really cherish them when they do happen! I like to think that you are watching over your brother and sisters! It was fun as we welcomed Lucille to our family to think of her being in Heaven with you before she came. I do love that!
We spend today thinking of you! Celebrating you and missing you! Can't wait until I can hug you again...Love you my sweet boy!
Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mom

Tacen's Day - 6th Birthday

Saturday (7.2.16) we celebrated Tacen's 6th Birthday. We got up and left around 8am to head to Seven Peaks in Provo. We met up with JJ and Josh and had a fun day playing in the water just like Tacen would love. It was a little emotional for me given that had we not miscarried a week ago we would have been 12 weeks on Friday (7.1.16) and we were planning to announce an upcoming baby which I thought would help lessen the sadness of celebrating Tacen's birthday without him, but instead we were not only celebrating Tacen's birthday with out him, but we aren't pregnant any more. There was a quite of bit emotion on my part. We had a rough couple weeks and I'm happy to have them behind me. The drive out I felt the sadness creeping in, but by the time we got to Seven Peaks and starting playing it really helped. I find myself feeling mopey especially on days like T's birthday, but getting out of the house, playing with Daxon and Iszella and being with Cade and then you add fun in the water and it's perfect! It was just what I needed and I was so grateful to be spending the day with my family! We rode slides, played in lazy river, slid down the kids slides and did the wave pool. Perfect way to celebrate our Tacen! 

We headed home around 2pm. Iszella was so worn out she fell right asleep trying to drink her milk. Poor girl! We got home just before 5pm. I got Hawaiian Haystacks going for dinner and Cade's parents and Kimbrie (our niece) came over. We had to have rice for dinner since that's one of Tacen's favorites. Iszella ate really well which is rare for her lately. After dinner we all enjoyed cupcakes and then we went on out to send off Tacen's 6 blue balloons! Daxon loves the idea of sending them to Tacen. When we told Daxon that it was Tacen's birthday his first response was, "Is he coming down?" That's a hard part of dealing with the loss of a child is that I know how badly Daxon wants to see his brother and its so hard for him to understand why he can't just come back from heaven and see us! I wish so badly he could come and see us! 

We ended the day watching our picture slideshow/video of Tacen. I love remembering him and spending the day as he would have loved! We miss you sweet boy!

Celebrating T

We had so much fun seeing our family and friends celebrating T with us. We received pictures of people letting off balloons and also playing in the water. Both were perfect in remembering Tacen with us. We appreciate so much those who celebrated with us and shared their pictures or sent kind words on his special day! We are so blessed to be surrounded by so many who show us so much love! We hope Tacen caught a few of the balloons that were sent up his way!

A Tacen Day

July 2, 2014 - Tacen's 4th birthday. We had a good, but hard day, as was expected! We got up that day and had breakfast, banana pancakes, Tacen liked pancakes. Then we got ready and headed out to the splash park in Collierville. This was a favorite of Tacen's. Really anything with water brought a huge smile on his face!!! He always loved the water!

We had fun running around in the water and playing with Daxon. He enjoyed it. Sweet Iszella just slept in her carseat until it was time to eat. Then she ate and hung out in the front carrier, she was a trooper especially in the heat!  We ended off at the park before heading home for naps.

During nap time Cade picked up some blue balloons and we got showered. Once Daxon got up we headed into Lebonhuer. We went up to Bunny Lane and dropped off the toys our friends and family had given us to donate. I sadly didn't take any pictures.
We decided while we were at Le Bonhuer that we'd go to our Neurologist, Dr. Fulton's office and pick up Tacen's medical records. Dr. Fulton had also asked us to periodically give him an update on how Daxon was doing, since we never did find out what exactly Tacen had and there's no guarantee our other children won't have the same thing. Cade had been wanted to email Dr. Fulton a video showing how incredibly mobile Daxon really is.
While we were there I thought of our nurse, Lana who was a great connection in getting messages to Dr. Fulton and helping us get past the front desk. Cade asked for her or Dr. Fulton and she came out. We explained that we wanted to see if we could get an email or something to show Dr. Fulton Daxon. She proceeded to say, "oh, he's right here let me go get him!" They both came back out. They both remembered us well (which is slightly surprising since it had been almost two years since we'd been in and I'm certain they've seen 100's if not 1000's of patients)! We sat and talked with Dr. Fulton for an hour!
He was so pleased to see how well Daxon was doing and kept saying, "I'm so glad to see him doing so well." He's expecting a baby himself in a month or two. First child! We talked about that and our plans to move. We talked about Tacen. I mentioned the article I had seen about the children in California with their cells being slightly swollen and wondered if that was at all similar to Tacen. He said the symptoms might have been similiar, but the cause wouldn't have been. It was great to see Dr. Fulton again. He is such a kind, humble, intelligent man! We were so lucky to have him as Tacen's Dr. He even told me that he still had a note on his desk that nurse Lana had written when we called to ask some questions before Tacen was hospitalized. He said he just couldn't bring himself to throw it away, sentimental reasons. What a wonderful man. It was really lovely to see him and really added to our Tacen day!
After Le Bonhuer we came home and had Italian Chicken for dinner with rice. In honor of Tacen loving rice, then we blew out the candles on Tacen's cake, let off the balloons and enjoyed the cake while watching our Tacen video and picture slide show we made. We reminisced about our sweet boy. We miss him and wish so much that he was still here with, but we will be eternally grateful for the way he touched our lives and that we will be with him again. It was a nice day to remember our special boy and celebrate him!