Decorating Tacen's Special Place for Memorial Day Weekend

  Saturday (5.25.24) morning after helping clean the church we took Tacen's truck all planted with flowers out to his special place (the cemetery). I love the tradition of planting a truck for Tacen.  Seeing those trucks reminds me of him. Bringing it home after Memorial Day reminds me of him all summer. We sure love and miss our boy. Tyg has been in to trucks, trains, cars, etc lately and it reminds me of Tacen often. Lula and Lucille have been talking about him coming back. Lula always says its taking too long. She also, keeps telling me Tacen would be her buddy! We sure love our sweet boy and long for that day when we can be with him again! We are so grateful for Stephanie Smith who year after year adds a truck. She's so thoughtful. G'ma Sue and Pa put one on too and Grandma Ruthie and Papa added pinwheels (which he loved at the cemetery when Grandpa Knight passed away right before him) and a red truck. We also had some anonymous flowers too. Tacen is love and it means so much when he is remembered! 

First Snow and Decorating T's Special Place

   Saturday (12.12.20) we went and put Tacen's tree on his special place. It was snowing and it was the first snow of the winter Christmas season. I love the magic snow brings with it and I was thrilled it was snowing. It added to the special feeling as we decorated T's grave. I sat thinking about how you never really plan to have to do something like decorate your 2 year old son's grave. But I am grateful that the kids know and love Tacen and we can do these special things to include and honor him. We miss our sweet boy! Iszella said just the other day in reference to Tacen, "mom two year just isn't long enough!" and I said I agree! 

Decorating T's Special Place - Memorial Day 2019

Thursday (5.23.19) we went to Allred's and the girls helped picked flowers to put in Tacen's truck to put at the cemetery for Memorial Day! Then we came home and planted it. We had planned to run it out Thursday night, but ran out of time. So Friday evening(5.24.19) we ran out to decorate his special place. The kids always start climbing on his headstone right away. I always like to think of it and a way to "play" with him right now. We sure love and miss this boy.  Last Sunday (5.19.19) Cade had had a meeting and Lula May was being a little grumpy and the girls didn't want to play cars with him. At one point Daxon says, "Mom I just wish Tacen was here so he could play cars with me!" It's these little moments that make me smile in how much our kids love Tacen and also break my heart, because I wish he was still here too! He is so loved and never forgotten and that's always been so important to me! We love you Tacer Racer!

Promised Blessings

As we draw closer to Easter and to the arrival of our new little one my thoughts have been turned to Tacen! Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him! I love how much our children know and love him. Iszella recently has been scared of monsters and we've talked a lot about asking Heavenly to help us feel safe and also remembering that she has an older brother Tacen to watch over her! She proudly announced a few days ago, "mom Tacen is my brother! He will watch over me and help keep me safe!" Daxon Saturday night out of the blue said, "mom I miss Tacen! When does he get to come back?" This allowed for a discussion about the seconding coming and how when Jesus comes again Tacen will be resurrected! Dax asked how Tacen would get here and Cade suggested he'd float down! Daxon liked that idea! I'm so thankful that our kids know and love Tacen! I'm also unbelievably grateful that our Savior was resurrected so we too might be! I think of baby fruit loop with Tacen now and I'm a little jealous because I would love to hug my sweet boy and see those blue eyes and his big smile! But I've felt often through this pregnancy Tacen near! I'm grateful to be his mother and I can wait to hold him in my arms again some day!!! #tacegram #tacensstory

Decorating T's Special Place

Saturday (12.3.16) we went down to the cemetary with Papa and Grandma Ruthie to put the little tree on Tacen's grave! My parents have been so great to decorate his grave and I so much appreciate it! The kids love going down to Tacen's special place. The tree looked cute with lights, ornaments and cars. I couldn't help after we got things decorated and Cade and Daxon were running around thinking about how I wish Tacen were here running around with them too, but then I try my best to remember that some day I'll see those dreams and longings fulfilled even if not in this lifetime! We sure love Tacen and we feel so blessed that he's apart of our family! 

Tacen's Day - 6th Birthday

Saturday (7.2.16) we celebrated Tacen's 6th Birthday. We got up and left around 8am to head to Seven Peaks in Provo. We met up with JJ and Josh and had a fun day playing in the water just like Tacen would love. It was a little emotional for me given that had we not miscarried a week ago we would have been 12 weeks on Friday (7.1.16) and we were planning to announce an upcoming baby which I thought would help lessen the sadness of celebrating Tacen's birthday without him, but instead we were not only celebrating Tacen's birthday with out him, but we aren't pregnant any more. There was a quite of bit emotion on my part. We had a rough couple weeks and I'm happy to have them behind me. The drive out I felt the sadness creeping in, but by the time we got to Seven Peaks and starting playing it really helped. I find myself feeling mopey especially on days like T's birthday, but getting out of the house, playing with Daxon and Iszella and being with Cade and then you add fun in the water and it's perfect! It was just what I needed and I was so grateful to be spending the day with my family! We rode slides, played in lazy river, slid down the kids slides and did the wave pool. Perfect way to celebrate our Tacen! 

We headed home around 2pm. Iszella was so worn out she fell right asleep trying to drink her milk. Poor girl! We got home just before 5pm. I got Hawaiian Haystacks going for dinner and Cade's parents and Kimbrie (our niece) came over. We had to have rice for dinner since that's one of Tacen's favorites. Iszella ate really well which is rare for her lately. After dinner we all enjoyed cupcakes and then we went on out to send off Tacen's 6 blue balloons! Daxon loves the idea of sending them to Tacen. When we told Daxon that it was Tacen's birthday his first response was, "Is he coming down?" That's a hard part of dealing with the loss of a child is that I know how badly Daxon wants to see his brother and its so hard for him to understand why he can't just come back from heaven and see us! I wish so badly he could come and see us! 

We ended the day watching our picture slideshow/video of Tacen. I love remembering him and spending the day as he would have loved! We miss you sweet boy!

Playing with their brother

 Friday (2.19.16) we ran to the store for some milk and I decided to stop by the cemetery! We've taken to calling it Tacen's special place. We talked about how there were many people who had special places here and it was all the people who were in heaven and couldn't be here with us any more. This seems to really make sense for Daxon and I love it. As soon as we got there the kids started playing on his headstone! At first I wasn't sure how to react! The longer I thought about it I loved it. I loved that they were "playing" in the only way they can right now with their brother. I worried it might seem disrespectful, but its ours! We chose that headstone, we paid for it and he's our son and their brother. So if climbing on it makes them happy while we visit its a ok in my book! I loved this simple little moment where they had the chance to play with their brother! We sure miss you Tacen! Always and forever until we get to see you again! We Love You!

Tacen's Hand and Foot Prints

Last Thursday (1.21.16) Daxon was looking up at our entertainment center and said, "I love our valentines decorations up and I love Tacen's foot print and hand!" I switched up our decorations a couple weeks ago and took down Christmas and put Valentine's and also put some of our more general decoration. With that meant pulling out some of our Tacen things. When we were putting out Tacen's hand and feet prints and Daxon began asking about them. We've had them stored away since we moved from Memphis.
Before Tacen passed away, but we knew it was close the Family Life Specialists came and asked us if them making hand and foot prints is something that we would like them to do. We of course were all about that! They are a treasure that we hold dear having every little piece of him we can is the best thing!
Daxon has taken a notice to them. He has also mentioned missing Tacen a couple times of the last few days and today (1.26.16) he even asked when Tacen would be coming back and if we would get to see him soon! Its these simple little moments that both make me beam and tear at my heart. I love that Daxon knows his brother. He has a real, special relationship with him. However, Its hard not being able to say that he can see his brother or having a time line of when that might happen! I wish these two sweet brothers could have their time together now, but we'll keep waiting! Until then we will keep his memory alive in our home and family so our kids can know their brother!

This Time of Year

As I hung our stockings on the wall I love that I get to hang Tacen's. It's the little things that make me smile and miss him all at the same time! I'm so happy when I have tangible things that show he is apart of our family. I love looking up at the wall and reading his name up there. I love thinking about the two Christmases we had with him and the fun and excitement. Yet, I long to have him here. I read his name and I also feel some sadness that he's not here with us. It's a mixture of emotions!

My parents have been and continue to be so great about helping to decorate Tacen's grave. We went out last Friday (12.4.15) to help Papa put a tree and snowflake on Tacen's grave. This is a confusing and hard thing for Daxon to understand and it's something we are learning to navigate through with him. It's also special to hear him say things like, "(while looking at the picture of Tacen) That's my brother!" "I want one of the cars off of the tree (sharing his always hard)."  I love how much Daxon knows his brother.

As this time of year comes I am filled with gratitude and love for my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ! Because of a small babe in Bethlehem who lived a perfect life and suffered and died for us we have the chance to be redeemed. To keep trying and do better. We have the chance and blessing to know we will be with Tacen again. All will be made right and it will be glorious! This time of year as I reflect on this I am filled with joy, love, light, peace and comfort! I am so grateful to be able to reflect on His birth and all that it means to me!