Promised Blessings

As we draw closer to Easter and to the arrival of our new little one my thoughts have been turned to Tacen! Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him! I love how much our children know and love him. Iszella recently has been scared of monsters and we've talked a lot about asking Heavenly to help us feel safe and also remembering that she has an older brother Tacen to watch over her! She proudly announced a few days ago, "mom Tacen is my brother! He will watch over me and help keep me safe!" Daxon Saturday night out of the blue said, "mom I miss Tacen! When does he get to come back?" This allowed for a discussion about the seconding coming and how when Jesus comes again Tacen will be resurrected! Dax asked how Tacen would get here and Cade suggested he'd float down! Daxon liked that idea! I'm so thankful that our kids know and love Tacen! I'm also unbelievably grateful that our Savior was resurrected so we too might be! I think of baby fruit loop with Tacen now and I'm a little jealous because I would love to hug my sweet boy and see those blue eyes and his big smile! But I've felt often through this pregnancy Tacen near! I'm grateful to be his mother and I can wait to hold him in my arms again some day!!! #tacegram #tacensstory

...And then there were...six!

We are excited to announce that we are expecting another sweet baby to be added to our family in April 2017! When we miscarried at 11 weeks in June it was a whirlwind of feelings and emotions. We had taken Daxon and Iszella with us to the appointment only to find out there was no heartbeat and the baby was measuring only 8 weeks. I was still nauseated and throwing up and so confused as to how the baby had stopped developing! Then to top off such a devastating day we had to try to explain to our kids, especially Daxon that there was no baby in my belly and that our baby was going to stay with Tacen in heaven.  I felt awful that my sweet 4 year old who already has had to experience loss and trying to understand it at such a young age was again having to try to understand loss. Thankfully Iszella was pretty oblivious, but for weeks Daxon kept asking about the baby in my belly! I tried my best to explain this in the best way I knew how. It took a while, but he finally stopped talking about the baby in my belly quite as much.

We knew we still desperately wanted to add to our family and we feel so blessed that we were able to get pregnant again! I have been sicker than ever, but feel so lucky that our sweet baby is 13 weeks, measuring right on and has had a great, strong heartbeat! We are anxious for this little one to join our family! The kids are excited about this sweet baby which they've helped me decide we are calling Baby Fruit Loop.

My hormones have been all over the place, especially when it comes to Tacen lately! We are approaching his 4th angelversary and it seems so hard to believe that he hasn't been here with us for that long. This month always brings a waive of emotions, but especially after our miscarriage and now having extra pregnancy hormones I have found myself with tears running down my face often as I think of our sweet Tacen or miss him! I know he's close, but I sure do miss him! No matter how much time passes I still long to have him here with us. I often find myself wondering what it would be like to have a 6 year old and wish he was here with us now! I'm hoping he'll be close to us through this pregnancy and that he's with this sweet baby in heaven telling him/her good things about our family! We can't wait to have another little piece of heaven in our home!