Happy 13th Birthday Tacen

 Dearest Tacen-

You should be a teenager today! 13! I can't believe you would be that old. I always find myself wondering what your interests would be now, who you would be. Sometimes it makes me so sad missing you! I wish so much you were here with us celebrating your special day! Your birthday fell on Sunday (7.2.23) this year, so we partied hard at the lake on Saturday (7.1.23) doing all the water things. Your littlest brother Tyg resembles you some and some not, but when we took him to the lake this week and put him in he didn't love the cold. I couldn't help thinking of the stark contrast to you in the lake at one. You were so happy and you loved every minute being in the water. All water, but your one year old summer we spent several days at the lake. It's one of my favorite ways to remember you play so happily in the water! It could be freezing cold water, but you wouldn't mind you played away! Your love of water was unmatched! 

Daxon and Iszella had a swim meet in June and we realized that if you'd been here and done swim you would been grouped together with Daxon. It's those moments that sting sometimes. Missing you and wondering. It makes me so much more excited to see you again. The kids talk about you still. Especially Lula May. She tells me often how much she misses you. When we got our new Expedition she reassured me that we still had a seat for Tacen in the back. They also have discussed how you will need a room in the house. We had a room for you for a year and half downstairs that was a guest room/ our exerecise room, but I decorated with your things. Now Daxon is in there and sometimes Lula reminds me that you don't have a room. I love how concerned they are for you. You are loved and missed! 

I've spent time thinking over the last few months about you, your life and our Savior. It's easy to look at our situation and say we didn't get our "miracle" because you weren't healed and you didn't get to stay here on earth with us. And the thing is we didn't get that miracle, but we got many others then and we continue to now. Most of all, we have our Savior and He is always the miracle. Because of Him even though we miss you now things will all be made right one day. Because of Him, you will be resurrected just as He was. Because of Him you live eternally and we will get to live with you. All my hopes and dreams will one day be fulfilled and even though sometimes it feels like it's taking forever it's all going to be glorious and beautiful and much better than I could ever imagine. So I am holding onto all those miraculous promises until we see you.

 We honor and celebrate you today. rice, cupcakes and watching videos and pictures of you today. Keep watching over us sweet boy. We love and miss you so much! Happy birthday Tace! 

Love, 

Mom 

Tacen's Day - 6th Birthday

Saturday (7.2.16) we celebrated Tacen's 6th Birthday. We got up and left around 8am to head to Seven Peaks in Provo. We met up with JJ and Josh and had a fun day playing in the water just like Tacen would love. It was a little emotional for me given that had we not miscarried a week ago we would have been 12 weeks on Friday (7.1.16) and we were planning to announce an upcoming baby which I thought would help lessen the sadness of celebrating Tacen's birthday without him, but instead we were not only celebrating Tacen's birthday with out him, but we aren't pregnant any more. There was a quite of bit emotion on my part. We had a rough couple weeks and I'm happy to have them behind me. The drive out I felt the sadness creeping in, but by the time we got to Seven Peaks and starting playing it really helped. I find myself feeling mopey especially on days like T's birthday, but getting out of the house, playing with Daxon and Iszella and being with Cade and then you add fun in the water and it's perfect! It was just what I needed and I was so grateful to be spending the day with my family! We rode slides, played in lazy river, slid down the kids slides and did the wave pool. Perfect way to celebrate our Tacen! 

We headed home around 2pm. Iszella was so worn out she fell right asleep trying to drink her milk. Poor girl! We got home just before 5pm. I got Hawaiian Haystacks going for dinner and Cade's parents and Kimbrie (our niece) came over. We had to have rice for dinner since that's one of Tacen's favorites. Iszella ate really well which is rare for her lately. After dinner we all enjoyed cupcakes and then we went on out to send off Tacen's 6 blue balloons! Daxon loves the idea of sending them to Tacen. When we told Daxon that it was Tacen's birthday his first response was, "Is he coming down?" That's a hard part of dealing with the loss of a child is that I know how badly Daxon wants to see his brother and its so hard for him to understand why he can't just come back from heaven and see us! I wish so badly he could come and see us! 

We ended the day watching our picture slideshow/video of Tacen. I love remembering him and spending the day as he would have loved! We miss you sweet boy!

Happy 5th Birthday

Dear Tacen

You would be 5 years old today if you were still here with us! I can't even begin to imagine how things would be. There's a chance you'd be getting ready for Kindergarten although I think we would have let you wait a year before going. You'd probably know your abc's and numbers. I'm sure you'd know how to spell your name and you'd be talking up a storm.
I often like to think about how things would be for you and Daxon. I think you would have been the best of friends although I'm not naive enough to believe you wouldn't have had plenty of arguments too! Daxon misses you. We have tried hard to teach him about you and I think we are doing a pretty ok job. He talks about you often and recognizes you in pictures and videos. He even asks for videos of you sometimes.  He doesn't quite understand yet where you are, but we are trying to teach him about that too. He knows you are in Heaven with Jesus and Heavenly Father, but he'd like for Jesus to come drop you off!
Iszella can't talk yet, but she always gets a big smile on her face when she sees a picture of you. I know she knows who you are and I'm a little jealous that it's only been a year for her since she was with you!
Daddy and I think about you every single day. We miss you like crazy. We talk about you often. You are still a very important part of our family and that will NEVER change!
I wish so badly that you were here today to celebrate your birthday with us. I wish you were turning 5 years old and you could tell me how big you are getting! I wish so much for you to be here on your birthday. This day is the day I miss you the most!
I still remember the day you were born. We had waited for you! You were stubborn and made us wait until 2 days before you due date. I remember when I was in labor and your head crowned. Daddy could see it and told me how you had a head of dark brown hair! I remember holding you on my chest and trying to take it all in. You were fresh from heaven and so very precious to us! I remember you chubby hands and thighs you were solid from the start.
I also vividly remember the 2 birthdays we got to spend with you. Those were such wonderful days of celebrating you! I wish we had gotten more.
You're not here with us anymore, but we still celebrate you! We are one year closer to getting to see you again! We will celebrate you by playing in the water! That was one of your favorites which is perfect for a July birthday!  I hope we feel you close today. I know you're never very far! I sure miss you my sweet boy! I know you know that, but I never want you to forget how much we love you! I hope you are doing something special in heaven perhaps like Aunt LuAnn suggested you are having angel food cake! I look forward to the day we'll see you again! I wish it was sooner rather than later, but we do our best to keep our chins up and enjoy each day we are given. You taught us how to be happy no matter what and to be like the Little Engine that Could, never giving up! Thanks for being apart of our family Tacen! Thank you for teaching me not only how to be a mother, but so much more. I continue to learn so much from you. Happy Birthday my sweet boy!
I love you!
Mom

Tacen's 5th Birthday is Almost Here

Just wanted to give a reminder that Tacen's 5th birthday is almost here. It's Thursday July 2nd. If anyone wants to let off blue balloons with us feel free. We'd love to see pictures as always. We will also be playing in the water that day so if you want to play in the water in remembrance of Tacen that'd be great too!

Celebrating T

We had so much fun seeing our family and friends celebrating T with us. We received pictures of people letting off balloons and also playing in the water. Both were perfect in remembering Tacen with us. We appreciate so much those who celebrated with us and shared their pictures or sent kind words on his special day! We are so blessed to be surrounded by so many who show us so much love! We hope Tacen caught a few of the balloons that were sent up his way!

A Tacen Day

July 2, 2014 - Tacen's 4th birthday. We had a good, but hard day, as was expected! We got up that day and had breakfast, banana pancakes, Tacen liked pancakes. Then we got ready and headed out to the splash park in Collierville. This was a favorite of Tacen's. Really anything with water brought a huge smile on his face!!! He always loved the water!

We had fun running around in the water and playing with Daxon. He enjoyed it. Sweet Iszella just slept in her carseat until it was time to eat. Then she ate and hung out in the front carrier, she was a trooper especially in the heat!  We ended off at the park before heading home for naps.

During nap time Cade picked up some blue balloons and we got showered. Once Daxon got up we headed into Lebonhuer. We went up to Bunny Lane and dropped off the toys our friends and family had given us to donate. I sadly didn't take any pictures.
We decided while we were at Le Bonhuer that we'd go to our Neurologist, Dr. Fulton's office and pick up Tacen's medical records. Dr. Fulton had also asked us to periodically give him an update on how Daxon was doing, since we never did find out what exactly Tacen had and there's no guarantee our other children won't have the same thing. Cade had been wanted to email Dr. Fulton a video showing how incredibly mobile Daxon really is.
While we were there I thought of our nurse, Lana who was a great connection in getting messages to Dr. Fulton and helping us get past the front desk. Cade asked for her or Dr. Fulton and she came out. We explained that we wanted to see if we could get an email or something to show Dr. Fulton Daxon. She proceeded to say, "oh, he's right here let me go get him!" They both came back out. They both remembered us well (which is slightly surprising since it had been almost two years since we'd been in and I'm certain they've seen 100's if not 1000's of patients)! We sat and talked with Dr. Fulton for an hour!
He was so pleased to see how well Daxon was doing and kept saying, "I'm so glad to see him doing so well." He's expecting a baby himself in a month or two. First child! We talked about that and our plans to move. We talked about Tacen. I mentioned the article I had seen about the children in California with their cells being slightly swollen and wondered if that was at all similar to Tacen. He said the symptoms might have been similiar, but the cause wouldn't have been. It was great to see Dr. Fulton again. He is such a kind, humble, intelligent man! We were so lucky to have him as Tacen's Dr. He even told me that he still had a note on his desk that nurse Lana had written when we called to ask some questions before Tacen was hospitalized. He said he just couldn't bring himself to throw it away, sentimental reasons. What a wonderful man. It was really lovely to see him and really added to our Tacen day!
After Le Bonhuer we came home and had Italian Chicken for dinner with rice. In honor of Tacen loving rice, then we blew out the candles on Tacen's cake, let off the balloons and enjoyed the cake while watching our Tacen video and picture slide show we made. We reminisced about our sweet boy. We miss him and wish so much that he was still here with, but we will be eternally grateful for the way he touched our lives and that we will be with him again. It was a nice day to remember our special boy and celebrate him!