Tacen's Hand and Foot Prints

Last Thursday (1.21.16) Daxon was looking up at our entertainment center and said, "I love our valentines decorations up and I love Tacen's foot print and hand!" I switched up our decorations a couple weeks ago and took down Christmas and put Valentine's and also put some of our more general decoration. With that meant pulling out some of our Tacen things. When we were putting out Tacen's hand and feet prints and Daxon began asking about them. We've had them stored away since we moved from Memphis.
Before Tacen passed away, but we knew it was close the Family Life Specialists came and asked us if them making hand and foot prints is something that we would like them to do. We of course were all about that! They are a treasure that we hold dear having every little piece of him we can is the best thing!
Daxon has taken a notice to them. He has also mentioned missing Tacen a couple times of the last few days and today (1.26.16) he even asked when Tacen would be coming back and if we would get to see him soon! Its these simple little moments that both make me beam and tear at my heart. I love that Daxon knows his brother. He has a real, special relationship with him. However, Its hard not being able to say that he can see his brother or having a time line of when that might happen! I wish these two sweet brothers could have their time together now, but we'll keep waiting! Until then we will keep his memory alive in our home and family so our kids can know their brother!

Peace

There are two instances where I was able to find peace I feel the need to share. I taught the lesson last week in Relief Society. This is when the women at church meet together. The lesson was "My Peace I Give Unto You." from the Teachings of The Presidents Howard W. Hunter.  The night before I was to teach I received a phone call and then a visit informing me of a new calling. One that I feel very inadequate for, the primary chorister. This may seem silly to many of you, but for me it was overwhelming. I can't read music. I'm not musically inclined. I love to sing, but can only hear and sing the melody even though my voice is a much better alto.  On top of this all I have LOVED teaching Relief Society and felt deeply saddened to be leaving this calling. I felt a wide range of emotions Saturday night. When I woke Sunday morning was heart was heavy, yet I felt guided. I prayed ernestly yet in humility expressing to my Heavenly Father that I was willing, but I would need His help.  I instantly felt better and ironically the words of the song "Be Still My Soul" came to my mind. I pulled up the song and listened intently to the lyrics. It was an exact answer to my prayer. Not only to my concerns about my calling, but others in my life that I had expressed that morning in prayer. I knew then as I always have that my Heavenly Father in very aware of me and willing to help and bless me.

I would like to contrast this was another experience where I found peace. My mind is taken to the last 24 hrs we had with Tacen here in on earth.  We had been praying earnestly for a miracle. We knew that one was possible. Many of our family and friends had been praying, fasting and his named was called to more temples than I know. We felt so much strength during such a difficult time. The night before Tacen passed away Cade and I came together in prayer. We let Heavenly Father know that we knew that if it was his will He could perform a miracle and heal our Tacen! However, if a miracle was not his plan for Tacen and for us we were ready to let him go. His poor body had suffered much and we knew we shouldn't hold his precious spirit here any longer. The peace that filled our hearts that night and through the next was amazing. Then the following night, Monday Oct 29 around 6pm we made the decision to withdraw life support. He was on the highest form of life support they had and it wasn't working. His lungs were filling with fluid. As his spirit left his mortal body and passed into the spirit world we were filled with even more peace than had been accompanying us that day. I remember feeling loss and heart ache, but also feeling peace. I recall how strange it felt to have so much peace during something so hard as losing a child. It is a blessing I still hold dear the peace I shall never forget.

Why do I share these two experiences with you? They are so vastly different. One is a silly mortal reaction, my silly mortal reaction to a new calling and one is a life changing experience of losing a child. Yet a loving Heavenly Father blessed me with the peace that I needed during both experiences. I know our Heavenly Father loves us more than we can imagine. I know He is so willing to bless us, comfort us and guide us. We just have to let Him in. We have to ask. If we ask in sincerity, He will give us the peace we seek! I have a deep and abounding testimony of this in my life. I am beyond grateful this day and always for a loving Father in Heaven!