First Snow and Decorating T's Special Place

   Saturday (12.12.20) we went and put Tacen's tree on his special place. It was snowing and it was the first snow of the winter Christmas season. I love the magic snow brings with it and I was thrilled it was snowing. It added to the special feeling as we decorated T's grave. I sat thinking about how you never really plan to have to do something like decorate your 2 year old son's grave. But I am grateful that the kids know and love Tacen and we can do these special things to include and honor him. We miss our sweet boy! Iszella said just the other day in reference to Tacen, "mom two year just isn't long enough!" and I said I agree! 

8 Years - Tacen

  Its been 8 years since our sweet boy returned home and now we are 8 years closer! I've been thinking lately about how life looks so different than it did 8 years ago. We were in Optometry school. Just in our second year. We had just had our second child. We were in our 20's! My days looked so different than they do now. I spent most of my days following around 2 busy boys. Lots of hot wheels cars and mud and water! Sleepy snuggles and a screaming baby. Now we have been out of school for 5.5 years! We own our own home, have 3 more children. 2 in school full day which brings its own added busyness. 2 little girls at home. A crazy busy, slightly emotional 3 year old and a 10 month old baby girl. It seems often like life with Tacen was another lifetime! 

I was adding him into some family pictures we had taken recently and looking at home. When he passed away he was just under 3 ft tall. Shorter than Lula May is now. It's strange that he is smaller than 3 of our 4  children still here. It's strange to think he should be 10, but it is eternally frozen as a 2 year old for me right now. I find myself wondering what he would be like each time one of these anniversaries passes me by. We still talk of him often! You are so missed sweet boy. You are always remembered and never forgotten. We are ever grateful to know you are watching over us until we can be together again. We are still trying to do our best so we can be reunited. Love you so much sweet boy! 8 Years Closer! 

Happy 10th Birthday Tacen

Dearest Tacen-

You would be 10 years old today! 10! It's crazy to think you'd be double digits! That I've been a parent for a decade! Crazy! We have been working to finish the last bedroom in our basement and it is going to be a guest bedroom/exercise room. I am decorating it with your things. Your name, your temple picture and Jesus picture and some other pictures of you. I am also going to get some different car pictures and make a car collage that I think you would LOVE! I've always wanted to have a room for you and get your things back out. At least some of them.
As we were pulling out your box there were a few t-shirts that we kept separate from the ones Daxon wore when he was your age. As I pulled them out it was surprising to me to remember how small they were and how small you are. I think in part because as Daxon has aged I picture you being big like him even though I also can't picture that...if that makes any sense. It made me miss you more that day and wish you were still here.
Daxon still talks often of wishing you were here to be his brother. I asked Lula the other day where you were and she said movies and pictures. So we had a nice talk about how you are in heaven with Jesus. The kids ask often when you will get to come back. When is Jesus coming again so we can see Tacen? It's been a long time! It's taking FOREVER!
The moments I feel you near are some of my favorites. It doesn't happen as often as it used too, so I really cherish them when they do happen! I like to think that you are watching over your brother and sisters! It was fun as we welcomed Lucille to our family to think of her being in Heaven with you before she came. I do love that!
We spend today thinking of you! Celebrating you and missing you! Can't wait until I can hug you again...Love you my sweet boy!
Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mom