One year

One year ago today our sweet Tacen returned back to our Father in Heaven after just 28 short months of life here on earth! Not a day goes by that we don't think about and miss him. 

As I've gone through the past year my goal has been and continues to be able to find the little positives that have come from losing Tacen. I was talking to Cade recently about a talk from General Conference by Elder Dube. He uses a story about not looking back and relates it to our opportunities to serv in the church. It made me think though that looking back over the past year helps me to learn a lot. 

For one I made it. After Tacen passed away it was all I could do to take it one day at a time, but I survived a year. Surely that helps me to see I can make it another. 

I remember as I watched friends of ours loose children thinking I could NEVER do that. But it's amazing what you can do when you have to! I can do hard things!

Here are somethings I learned about myself over the past year. I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be(even though some moments, days or even weeks I don't feel that way). 

My testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is stronger! My relationship with my Savior is stronger because it is through him that I have made it through! 

My testimony of the plan of salvation is stronger! 

My love for an all knowing Heavenly Father is stronger. He knows how to comfort me. He knows who I need to help me and give me strength here! He knows me! He has blessed us in countless ways! 

My desire to do the best I can each day so I can be with my sweet Tacen again is stronger! 

My resolve to be thankful each day for the time I have with family is stronger! Life is short and you never know how long you have! 

I am a better version of me than I was a year ago! I can't change that Tacen is gone. If I could Heaven knows I would do so in a second! But I can try to learn and grow and become better! 

I continue to be thankful each and every day that we had the blessing to have Tacen in our home as long as we did. 28 months will never feel long enough, but I will FOREVER be grateful for those 28 months. Tacen taught me so much in that short time. To be his mother is a blessing I will always hold close to my heart! I love that boy! Being his mother was/is a gift. Learning from his precious example is a gift! Remembering him is a gift! How blessed we are to have him as a part of our Eternal Family and to have an angel watching out for us. I have felt his influence many times through the past year! I know he's closer than I often realize! We miss you sweet boy, always!

A Poem For Tace

As we approach the one year mark,

A place you will forever hold in my heart!

Though the days, weeks, months and years go by,

Upon our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ we will rely!

Until that day when we can see you again,

And the joys of eternity will begin!

Conference Weekend Last Year (2012)

As we hit General Conference weekend I recalled a memory from last year. It was conference weekend. We had gotten Daxon asleep (a feet in and of its self at that age and stage for him) and Tace was supposed to be down for a nap as well. Cade and I decided we'd take a nap since it was a rarity for us. As we laid down we could here sweet Tace in his room playing with a tool toy we had given him the previous Christmas. We couldn't help sitting there laughing. We left him for a bit and we slept some. Anyways, kind of silly, but a sweet memory of my sweet boy. I sure do miss him. We are inching closer to closing in our first entire year without our sweet boy. It some ways it has gone by quickly, but overall it feels like an eternity since we saw our sweet boy last!

As I listened to conference today one talk made me think of Tace. It was Elder Holland speaking about how the day will come when our Savior will come and all those who had physical or any other aliments will be healed and we will see them in their perfect state! As Daxon has grown and developed I personally have realized what a struggle our sweet Tace really had all the time. I have realized even more the simple things that were hard for him and the challenges he faced. I will always look up to him for the way he faced his struggles with a smile on that cute little face of his! He's our little engine that could! I can't wait for the day to come when I can see him again in his resurrected glory, whole and complete with that precious smile on his face. I have no doubt in my mind it will be spectacular and glorious!