Being Like Tacen

This morning (1.26.15) Daxon requested to watch Tacen movies. I turned some one. We watched one when he got his wagon from G'ma Sue and Pa and he was eating a popsicle. Daxon then decided he needed a popsicle. I didn't have any popsicles being winter and all, so I gave him a frozen gogurt. He needed gloves to wear so his hand wouldn't get cold. Then he requested that I take pictures of him too. Daxon has asked a few times recently to watch Tacen videos. It's really sweet that he knows and loves his brother. He usually ends up requesting to do whatever Tacen was doing in the video. I was talking to Cade about this and he said, "It's Tacen's way of getting to be his big brother now!" I just love that idea. It made me think about how Iszella loves to be doing whatever Daxon is doing and how she follows him around and just adores him.  That's how it would have been if Tacen had been able to be here and be Daxon's big brother right now. So it's really neat, fun and special to catch a glimpse of that with the home videos we have of Tacen. What sweet brothers!

Talking About Tacen

We try to talk about Tacen as often as we can. We especially have discussed together (Cade and myself) about wanting our children to know Tacen. He's an important part of our family and just because he's not here with us doesn't mean he isn't important or that we want him to be forgotten.  I know I've mentioned it before, but sometimes people don't know how to handle it when we talk about Tacen.  They act uncomfortable or just try to listen and get past the subject as quickly as possible. When he first passed away I struggled with this. Now I just talk about him and I figure if someone feels uncomfortable that's their choice, but its so much harder for me not to talk about him and my heart aches so much more than if I just bring him up.
We've had a few experiences with Daxon bringing Tacen up lately and it warms my heart. Daxon is really big into helping give the prayer on food lately. He starts naming off a list of different various items he's thankful for. The other night he included Tacen in his prayer.
If we ask Daxon where Tacen is he will either respond, "With Jesus" or "in Heaven." I'm not sure if I wrote it down here or not, but one Sunday during sacrament meeting in church I was trying to talk to Daxon about the sacrament and how we have the sacrament to remind us of Jesus. When I said, "Jesus." Daxon immediately made a connection and said, "with Tacen!'
We have a picture of Tacen eating Eier Kuchen and he has nutella on his face. It's in a cute block that someone gave us that says, "Some I love is in Heaven" and we have it in the kids bathroom. Last night we were going potty before bed and Daxon looked up at the picture. He said, "Tacen likes Eier Kuchen!" So we talked about how Tacen liked Eier Kuchen just like Daxon and how he had nutella on his face.  Eier Kuchen is one of Daxon's favorites right now. So I think it was fun for him to make that connection to his brother.

Finally, today we had been outside playing and Daxon got cold. He asked to come inside. I suggested we have some hot cocoa to warm up. When we came in he wanted to watch a movie. Then he suggested we watch a Tacen movie! We watched a handful of movies and ended with one where Tacen is trying to get a fly with a fly swatter. Daxon wanted to get the fly swatter and try to get some flies too! I couldn't help wondering what it would be like if they could play together. Yet, I'm so thankful that Daxon loves his big brother and talks about him.
My heart longs to have Tacen here with us, but until then I'm thankful we can keep his memory alive. I'm thankful for my sweet 2.5 year old boy who loves his brother and talks about him. Even if he only knows him from pictures and movies. It's wonderful that he knows him! I'm also incredibly grateful for videos of Tacen so help keep him alive more. So we can recapture those sweet moments and so his siblings can know him until we can be with him again!
Here's the video he watched: