10 Years

It's been 10 years since we said goodbye for now to our Tacen. I'll always remember how long and hard those first days and months were. How I couldn't even imagine making it to 10 years and now here we are. Time continues to pass by. It's a thief that way. The days tend to still feel long, but the years are getting shorter and shorter. Our house is full, our days are full and our family complete, but we always feel Tacen's lacking. The hole he left behind. The way we miss him and wish he was here with us. I feel him and know He's on the Lord's errand for now. I often wish I could take a peek and see what it is he fills his days with. What time looks like for him on the other side. Oh what longing I have to be with him again. I try to wait patiently (although I've never been great at patience) for the time when we will see him again. I try to continue to improve being the mother our children need and also improving so I can be with him again. Tacen you are the mark buddy, the one we all can't wait to be reunited with some day. I see you in your siblings at different times and I am thankful for their reminders of you. 

I've thought of you often as we draw near to a date I never thought I'd have to track. The one that tells me how long it's been since your passing. I think of you a little more. My heart feels a little extra tender to your missing presence. I always add you into our family pictures and lately it's been Lula who asks if you were there with us when we took that picture. Although I know you are near more often than I even realize I have to explain how you weren't here in person. Oh how I wish you were. We are one year closer to seeing you again my sweet boy, one year closer to holding you in my arms. Stay near please sweet boy. Watch over us. Help us when we need it most. I love you Tacen! 

Happy 12th Birthday

 Happy 12th birthday to my sweet boy, the one who made me a mother 12 years ago. This year would have been a big one, you would have started young men's and being going with dad to deacon's quorum, you would have had the chance to go to the temple for the first time. You would have finished elementary school and been headed to Jr High. So many changes would have been happening and you would be turning into a young man! Instead we think of you as our sweet 2 year old boy who we wait to be united with again some day! We talk of you often. Lula May has had an extra affinity for talking of you lately and missing you. She often vocalizes how she wishes you were here. I feel you have been near her lately for her to feel so strongly of you over the last 6-12 months.  Normally on your birthday we fill the day with cars movies, water activities, rice and cake and of course sending balloons. However, this year we get to spend the day with the Kowallis Family. Hayden is going through the temple in preparation to leave on his mission and I think this will also be a wonderful way to celebrate you and your special day. Being in the temple has been the place I feel you nearest most often. So we will just extend celebrating you for several days and do extra water days and more. 

Over this last year we added our last baby to our family and your baby brother. I have pondered often that if you had still been here with us I am not sure we would have had Tyg. I don't know that I would have been able to handle 6 kids here and things would have been different. I see you in Tyg. I see similarities and he reminds me of you sometimes. I know God's hand has been in our life and in our family. I know this was His plan for our family and for you and I trust and have faith that we are 9.5 years closer to being with you again. We love you so much sweet boy. We all miss you and wish often that you were here. Dad and I talk about how things might look different, but mostly we live in the glory of where you are and working each day to be better so we can be with you again some day. You are so loved and so missed! Keep watching over us Tace! We love you

Love, Mom

Decorating T's Special Place - Memorial Day

  Saturday (5.28.22) we took Tacen's truck with flowers in it out the cemetery. Stephanie Smith had already put a truck with flowers. We are always so grateful that she is so thoughtful in remembering Tacen. We took some pictures. While we were there Lula May asked where Tacen was and Daxon and Iszella told her she was under the headstone. Then she said, "you mean Tacen is a skeleton??" Oh my Lula May.. We were looking and we need to add the rest of the siblings to his headstone now. We need to figure out how we do that and make sure there will be enough room.  The kids always climb on his headstone or play on it and I always love it because I know it's exactly what Tacen would have done.

I am grateful for the family we have. We always miss Tacen and wish he were here with us, but we are thankful eternally for the knowledge of eternal families and that we will be with him again some day!