T's Room

Saturday evening (3.8.14) we boxed up Tacen's things in his room and packed up a few more things to get it ready to move Daxon in there. I'd been mentally preparing myself for this for a few weeks. We had discussed it and knew it was inevitable. I'm thankful that this wasn't something we had to do right after Tacen passed away, that would have been way too difficult. I've loved going in T's room and talking to him or thinking of him. 

On the flipside, Daxon is big enough to move in there and we are preparing for baby tuey which means we need to nursery for her. I wanted to make this a happy thing as much as we could. Happy things are happening. Daxon is that big. He's almost as old as T was when he passed away. We are so excited to be welcoming another sweet child into our family. These are happy things. Most of all Tacen will never leave our hearts! Even if his things aren't hanging in his room, it doesn't mean that he's gone. 

Yet, even with all the mental preparation it was still tough. It's just not fair that we don't get to have Tacen with us right now. Plain and simple! We miss him always. Time has softened the ache, but it never goes away. It's such a confusing mix of feelings being so happy to have Daxon, to see his progress and love him so much. To be so excited about Baby Tuey and her becoming a part of our family. Yet, through it all it doesn't replace the hole that's there where Tacen should be. I still love him. He's still my son and nothing will ever replace that.  You can love and be so excited for what you do have and still feel that loss and ache. 

So many silly things can trigger the ache. Seeing the children his age turning 4 and knowing that he should be here about to be a 4 year old. Seeing Daxon interact with other children and thinking about the fun they would have had together.  It's the little things I long for. 

But what I learned from it all is that taking down Tacen's things doesn't take him down out of our hearts. He's forever there and we will forever love him! Some day when we have the space we plan to make a Tacen room and hang his things and have a room "ready" for him whenever the 2nd coming comes. I have a feeling this will be a very special room in our home. Until then we will remember and hold on.