4 Years

Dear Tacen

It's been four years today since you went back to Heaven! We still miss you like crazy! You've been on my mind a lot lately. I think that's pretty normal for October, but being pregnant with another baby brother or sister of yours has heightened my emotions! There's so many things I often wonder about! I wonder what you'd be like as a 6 year old! I wonder what it would be like to have you here with us. I wonder how our family dynamics would be. But there are so many blessings you bring to our family even though you aren't here! I feel you near often! I love knowing that you are watching over us and that we have our own guardian angel! I love thinking about your being in heaven with this new sibling that will join our family in the spring!
Its hard to believe its been 4 years! How have you been gone that long? We are inching closer to you being gone twice as long as you were here with us, but we are also 4 years closer to seeing you! I love to think about that day. I imagine the sun will be shining it will be warm and bright. I'll see you and you'll be able to run to me! I'm certain I'll pick you up and never want to let you go, but I know I'll have to share you with your dad! I can't wait sweet boy!
Thank you so much for watching over us! Thank you for choosing our family and being the perfect boy you are! You give me so much hope. You keep me grounded and constantly remind me of what's really important in life! I hope I can be as good as you and one day be back with you!

Love you my sweet boy!
Always- Mom

...And then there were...six!

We are excited to announce that we are expecting another sweet baby to be added to our family in April 2017! When we miscarried at 11 weeks in June it was a whirlwind of feelings and emotions. We had taken Daxon and Iszella with us to the appointment only to find out there was no heartbeat and the baby was measuring only 8 weeks. I was still nauseated and throwing up and so confused as to how the baby had stopped developing! Then to top off such a devastating day we had to try to explain to our kids, especially Daxon that there was no baby in my belly and that our baby was going to stay with Tacen in heaven.  I felt awful that my sweet 4 year old who already has had to experience loss and trying to understand it at such a young age was again having to try to understand loss. Thankfully Iszella was pretty oblivious, but for weeks Daxon kept asking about the baby in my belly! I tried my best to explain this in the best way I knew how. It took a while, but he finally stopped talking about the baby in my belly quite as much.

We knew we still desperately wanted to add to our family and we feel so blessed that we were able to get pregnant again! I have been sicker than ever, but feel so lucky that our sweet baby is 13 weeks, measuring right on and has had a great, strong heartbeat! We are anxious for this little one to join our family! The kids are excited about this sweet baby which they've helped me decide we are calling Baby Fruit Loop.

My hormones have been all over the place, especially when it comes to Tacen lately! We are approaching his 4th angelversary and it seems so hard to believe that he hasn't been here with us for that long. This month always brings a waive of emotions, but especially after our miscarriage and now having extra pregnancy hormones I have found myself with tears running down my face often as I think of our sweet Tacen or miss him! I know he's close, but I sure do miss him! No matter how much time passes I still long to have him here with us. I often find myself wondering what it would be like to have a 6 year old and wish he was here with us now! I'm hoping he'll be close to us through this pregnancy and that he's with this sweet baby in heaven telling him/her good things about our family! We can't wait to have another little piece of heaven in our home!