Saturday (12.9.23) we got Tacen's tree ready and took it to the cemetery. Tyg loved the cars on his tree. I couldn't find the start this year, so we improvised and added a snowflake on top. We all went to take it. Tyg loved driving a car on his headstone this year which feels so fitting. Tacen would have loved that too. I can see glimpses of Tacen in Tyg and I love the sweet reminder that they are brothers. We got it all staked down. Sure love and miss that boy!
Dearest Tacen,
It's been 11 years today since you returned to heaven! 11 years without you and it often feels like another lifetime that you were here with us. Oh how we miss you and can't wait to be reunited with you someday. The kids talk about and love you and it warms my heart when they bring you up. Iszella left her seat belt buckled in our expedition and it tells you which buckles are buckled and which are not. I went to drive by myself this week and hers was buckled along with mine. When I was asking her about it, she simply said, "mom it was Tacen." It made me smile. I know it's silly, but I love that she thought of you. The kids often talk about how we have one more seat for Tacen in our expedition.
We talk about how losing Tacen has changed us. It's leaves it mark. One of those is that we realize often how short life is. We realize that life can change on a dime. If eel like we hold our other kids a little closer or makes choices to do things all together because you just never know. I'm thankful for the reminder of this in our Tacen. I'm thankful for the light he brought with that continues to still touch our lives.
I'll forever have the moments where I wish Tacen was here or wondering what things would be like to have a 13 year old. Wondering what he'd be doing in school, what his interests would be and how he might get along with our other kids. But I will also be forever grateful to a loving Heavenly Father and his perfect plan of happiness that promises that one day I'll be with him again. One day everything will be made right. I hold on tight to those promises. We sure love you sweet boy. We miss you always. Keep shining on us from heaven!
Love,
Mom
Dearest Tacen-
You should be a teenager today! 13! I can't believe you would be that old. I always find myself wondering what your interests would be now, who you would be. Sometimes it makes me so sad missing you! I wish so much you were here with us celebrating your special day! Your birthday fell on Sunday (7.2.23) this year, so we partied hard at the lake on Saturday (7.1.23) doing all the water things. Your littlest brother Tyg resembles you some and some not, but when we took him to the lake this week and put him in he didn't love the cold. I couldn't help thinking of the stark contrast to you in the lake at one. You were so happy and you loved every minute being in the water. All water, but your one year old summer we spent several days at the lake. It's one of my favorite ways to remember you play so happily in the water! It could be freezing cold water, but you wouldn't mind you played away! Your love of water was unmatched!
Daxon and Iszella had a swim meet in June and we realized that if you'd been here and done swim you would been grouped together with Daxon. It's those moments that sting sometimes. Missing you and wondering. It makes me so much more excited to see you again. The kids talk about you still. Especially Lula May. She tells me often how much she misses you. When we got our new Expedition she reassured me that we still had a seat for Tacen in the back. They also have discussed how you will need a room in the house. We had a room for you for a year and half downstairs that was a guest room/ our exerecise room, but I decorated with your things. Now Daxon is in there and sometimes Lula reminds me that you don't have a room. I love how concerned they are for you. You are loved and missed!
I've spent time thinking over the last few months about you, your life and our Savior. It's easy to look at our situation and say we didn't get our "miracle" because you weren't healed and you didn't get to stay here on earth with us. And the thing is we didn't get that miracle, but we got many others then and we continue to now. Most of all, we have our Savior and He is always the miracle. Because of Him even though we miss you now things will all be made right one day. Because of Him, you will be resurrected just as He was. Because of Him you live eternally and we will get to live with you. All my hopes and dreams will one day be fulfilled and even though sometimes it feels like it's taking forever it's all going to be glorious and beautiful and much better than I could ever imagine. So I am holding onto all those miraculous promises until we see you.
We honor and celebrate you today. rice, cupcakes and watching videos and pictures of you today. Keep watching over us sweet boy. We love and miss you so much! Happy birthday Tace!
Love,
Mom
