12 Years Without You!

 Dearest Tacen,

It's been 12 years today without you here with us! Oh how we miss you. I've thought a lot lately about how you could have gone to high school this year. I often wondered if I'd hold you since you were a summer birthday, but as I have looked at Daxon and Tyg I have also thought that if you were like them as a little boy I most likely would have sent you and you'd be a 9th grader, a freshman in high school! It feels crazy we could have a child that old! Life with you here feels like a completely different lifetime. One I sometimes strain to remember, but also one that the thief of time continues to pull away a little at a time. Thankfully I still have many memories of you as well as pictures and videos. But that time in our life feels far away. Things were so different, so much simpler when you were here with us. I miss you!

As always, I think of how we are 12 years closer to seeing you again! 12 years is a long time and I'm thankful to have made it this far. Tyg and I went and put a little pumpkin light and ghost on your headstone. We brushed off some dirt and Tyg looked at your picture and then said, "Tacen is my best friend!' He says that quite often about people he loves and I'm glad to know you are one of those people. I'm sure he might remember you or maybe he can still see you sometimes. I'm not sure. I'm thankful that even though I can't see you or heaven that it's never very far! As we were heading to visit the cemetery I looked up in the sky of the rays of light were peeking out of the clouds. I immediately said there you are Tacen! I have come to see you in rays of light and especially sun spots in pictures. It always makes me think you are near. 

My heart misses you sweet boy! But I am forever thankful for a Savior and Heavenly Father who have a perfect plan so we can be together again. I hold onto that truth with all I am! Being with you again is one of my greatest goals! Sometimes we argue (playfully) in our family who will get to hug you first and I always say me! It will be the best hug ever! I love you! Stay close to us and until we get to see you again, 12 years closer!

Love, 

Mom