In my Thoughts

Tacen has been in my thoughts extra the last few weeks. I'm not sure why. Perhaps that his 3 year angelversary is this month. Or we went had family pictures and I'm always reminded he's not in them. I'm not honestly sure. I was looking at the picture I edited and added him in and I it got me thinking about how different Tacen is compared to Daxon and Iszella. He was such a big build, his coloring, you name it. I so often think about how life would be if he were here with us. He would be a crazy five year old. I have no doubt life would be crazier and more eventful than it is. I often sit and wish so badly that he could be here. I wish we could have him here to interact with. To love. I wonder how Daxon and Iszella would be different having Tacen here as their older brother. I wonder how I would be different not having gone through a loss. I like to think that I'm a better version of myself because of the experiences I've had. I like to think I do better than I otherwise would at cherishing the little moments and enjoying my children even more.
I just find myself missing you buddy. Thinking about you and letting the tears fall. Thinking about the dreams and hopes I had for you that aren't happening right now. Thinking about you. Missing you. There's really nothing else I can say. I miss you! You have apart of my heart and it won't be complete again until I'm with you once more.
To you Tacen: I love you buddy. I hope you know that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about and miss you. Oct 29 will mark three years since your passing! Most days it feels so much longer than that. Yet, it feels like an accomplishment to have made it this far. It feels like a dream that you were once here with us. Yet, I am glad we are three years closer to seeing you. I often dream about that day, the day I'll see you again. I wish it could be tomorrow! I often think about how right after you passed away I wasn't sure how I would get through the day let alone a year. Now it's been almost three. I can do hard things. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for being such an example to me and our family! Please know how much we love you. You'll never be forgotten sweet boy!
All my love,
Mom