Happy 9th Birthday

Dear Tacen!

Happy Birthday my sweet boy! You would be 9 today! 9 years since you made me a mom. 9 years since we met you for the first time and fell instantly in love with those blue eyes and brown hair! Its been over 6.5 years since we said good bye for now my sweet boy. We all miss you! Iszella often says, "mom we all miss Tacen!" She also has said a few times lately, "it sure is taking a long time for Tacen to come back!" Studying the New Testament this year at church and having our new Come Follow Me Curriculum we've spent a lot of time talking about our Savior and his life, Atonement, death and resurrection.  Having also had Cade's grandpa Kowallis and my grandma Knight pass away in April we talked about how they are now in heaven with you sweet boy.
The day I found out that my grandma was likely going to pass away Iszella had a dance recital and I knew it was likely we wouldn't make it in before she passed. As I was driving in the car I remember talking to you Tacen and asking you to give her a big hug for me because you would likely see her before I did. Then after she passed away I learned that she had seen you visiting her. I love thinking of her being with you. Iszella asked the other day when I was telling she and Daxon how you used to love bran muffins who was making you breakfast. We talked about how maybe Grandma Knight was making your breakfast and then in her innocence she added or Jesus' Mom! I know there are many in heaven who I loved in this life with you. With each love one that passes on I long for the second coming more. Not because I'm ever going to be good enough, but because I'm so ready to be with you again sweet boy! But I'm not ready to leave our family here so the 2nd coming is the only thing that brings us all together!
Daxon a few weeks ago was having a rough Sunday morning. The girls were playing together and he was feeling left out and didn't want to play what they were playing. In a moment of frustration he looked at me and said, "Mom I just wish Tacen was here then we could play cars!" He talks often about teaching you to ride a bike or to swim. They sure miss and love you!
This week your dad was put in the bishopric at church on Sunday (6.30.19). That morning I was feeling weepy! Pregnancy hormones have sure amplified that situation! I was thinking of you and how I needed extra strength that day. As I was getting ready the thought out of no where came into my mind, "Mom, I'm here!" It was all I needed to know that Tacen was near. I know sweet boy that you are always close. I feel your love and know you are watching over us until we can be together again!
Sweet boy I wish I could see you as a 9 year old boy. I wish I could see what you would be like. What you would like to do. Would you love biking like Daxon? Swimming? Would you have a totally different interest and hobby? Would your hair be dark brown like your dad's? Oh how I can't wait to have all these questions answered. How I can wait to hold you in my arms again and hug you tight! Just know sweet boy and your birthday and all year through you are loved, you are missed and we are doing our best to make good choices so we can be with you again! We are eating rice, going swimming and letting off balloons today in your honor sweet boy! We love you so much!

Love,
Mom