Grieving

Over the past few months I've learned a lot about how I grieve and how everyone grieves in their own way. I've learned that this is completely normal and perfectly ok! I don't often get this response from others. I'm beginning to think everyone expects me to walk around sad, depressed and crying all the time! If you know me, you know that's not in my personality! It's also not how my sweet Tacen would want me to live my life! Tace in my opinion was the epitome of happiness! In his short life of just under 21/2 years he taught me many things and happiness was a huge part of that! As I've reflected on his condition walking was a huge struggle, but he was so happy! He loved life and I want to follow that example!
Now don't get the wrong impression I miss him terribly! I long for my sweet boy, I long to hold him and have him hug me back. I long to smell his sweaty head after his nap. I long to have him asking me to go outside, for his baba and kanky(blankey). I long for the crazy days of motherhood of 2 and how I used to think that was tough. As I watch Daxon growing up I long for him to have his big brother to play with, learn from, follow around and have fun with. There are many things I long for, but mostly I'm know that its hard for me and all of us here. I know where he is. I know he is whole. I know he is saved in the Celestial Kingdom and that he dwells with our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ!(D&C 137:10).  And because have this knowledge all I really want is for Cade and I to do our very best so we can be with him again someday. So I smile and I go on.
I have rough days. I have good days. I miss my son! But I am doing the best I can. I am dealing with this the way that works for me and for now that has to be enough, because I can't do anything else.

White Rose

I found this recently and I loved it!

 The White Rose

By, Myrna Cox

All the earth’s mothers were gathered together at God’s Garden of flowers; those

beautiful budding spirits, who would someday come to earth, were nurtured and

tended in the garden. A loving father spoke to the Mothers; “See the works of

my hands, someday you will be the mothers to these radiant spirits,” the garden

glowed with the mixture of all kinds and colors.

“Choose Ye,” He said, Now in the East corner of the garden pure white roses

stood as sentinels. They were not as colorful as the rest, but glowed with a kind

of purity which set them apart. One by one mother’s stepped forward “I want the

blue eyed, curly haired one, who will grow to maturity and be a mother in Zion.

“Yet another chose a brown eyed, brown haired boy full of life and love who

would someday be a prince in a grand country. The garden buzzed with

excitement as the others chose their own special spirits, those whom they would

soon welcome into warmth and love of an earthly home. Once again the loving

Father spoke,” But who will take the white roses, the ones in the East corner of

the garden. These will return to me in purity and goodness, they will not stay

long in your home, for I must bring them back to my Garden for they belong with

me, but they will gain bodies as was planned, you will miss them and long for

them, but I will personally care for them.” “No, not I,” many said, in unison. “ I

couldn’t bear to give one back so soon.” “Nor I,” said others. “We will take those

who will remain and grow to maturity and live long lives.” The loving Father

looked out across the multitude of mothers with a longing in His eyes for

someone to step forward, Silence. Then he said, “See the most pure and perfect

of all the white ones, I chose Him. He will go down and be a sacrifice for all

mankind. He will be scorned, mocked and crucified. He is mine own. Will not any

one choose like unto Him?” A few mothers stepped forward. “Yes, Father, I Will.”

Then another, and, “I as well,” “Yes, we will Father” Soon all the pure white roses

were taken and they rejoiced in the choices of the mothers. The Father spoke

again “Oh, blessed are your who chose the white roses, for your pain will be a

heavy cross to bear, but your joy will be exceeding, beyond anything you can

understand at this time. The white ones, embraced their mother knew they could

endure the tasks. And the Greatest of all the white ones, gathered them as a hen

gather her chicks. And the outpouring of love surrounded each mother and child,

consuming all the white ones as He prepared them for their task. And each

mother who bore the weight of the White Rose, would feel the overwhelming love

of God, as they all shouted, “Thy will be done.”