Grieving

Over the past few months I've learned a lot about how I grieve and how everyone grieves in their own way. I've learned that this is completely normal and perfectly ok! I don't often get this response from others. I'm beginning to think everyone expects me to walk around sad, depressed and crying all the time! If you know me, you know that's not in my personality! It's also not how my sweet Tacen would want me to live my life! Tace in my opinion was the epitome of happiness! In his short life of just under 21/2 years he taught me many things and happiness was a huge part of that! As I've reflected on his condition walking was a huge struggle, but he was so happy! He loved life and I want to follow that example!
Now don't get the wrong impression I miss him terribly! I long for my sweet boy, I long to hold him and have him hug me back. I long to smell his sweaty head after his nap. I long to have him asking me to go outside, for his baba and kanky(blankey). I long for the crazy days of motherhood of 2 and how I used to think that was tough. As I watch Daxon growing up I long for him to have his big brother to play with, learn from, follow around and have fun with. There are many things I long for, but mostly I'm know that its hard for me and all of us here. I know where he is. I know he is whole. I know he is saved in the Celestial Kingdom and that he dwells with our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ!(D&C 137:10).  And because have this knowledge all I really want is for Cade and I to do our very best so we can be with him again someday. So I smile and I go on.
I have rough days. I have good days. I miss my son! But I am doing the best I can. I am dealing with this the way that works for me and for now that has to be enough, because I can't do anything else.