18 Months

Its been a year and half since our sweet Tacen passed away. In some ways its amazing me to it's been that long and in others it feels like an eternity and I can hardly believe it's ONLY been 18 months.  It's been a year and half since I held my sweet boy in my arms, since I kissed his face, since I smelled his sweaty head, since I sang him, "I Am A Child of God." It's been a year and half since we were together as our family of 4 here on the earth. It's been a year and half since I saw those gorgeous blue eyes, had him kiss me, let me hold him. It's been 18 months since I watched him get into mischief. It's been 18 months since I saw the pure joy on his face as he experienced all life had to offer! It's been a year and half and I still miss him!
It's been a year and half and I have grown. I have changed, learned and become a better version of me. I have become a more patient loving mother to Daxon because of Tacen. It's been 18 months and not a day goes by that I don't miss our little boy! It's been 18 months and I've gotten a lot more used to the reality of living without a child here with me.
Loosing a child is not something you get over, move past or forget. It's been 18 months and I am still learning to live with this. It's been 18 months and we should almost have a 4 year old. This is life after loss.
Yet, I know I am learning. I feel Tacen near often and I know he is with us and watching over us. It's been neat to think about him with his sister up in heaven. I wonder what they talk about and what he tells her. I know he has been watching over me and her throughout this pregnancy, I have felt that.  I am stronger! I am 18 months into our time of separation from Tacen.  I will never stop loving him! I will never stop missing him. He's part of who I am. He has made me better. He has made me strive for more! His love and life is an example to me. I am blessed to be his mother and I know that I can at least make it another year and half, because I've made it this far!