Song of My Heart

Yesterday at church, during sacrament meeting, we were singing the song "I Believe in Christ" hymn #134. As I sung and listened to the words I was struck with the power and meaning and tears came to my eyes. The words of the fourth verse are:

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I'll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voice is heard: "Ye shall obtain."
I believe in Christ; so come what may,
With him I'll stand in that great day
When on this earth he comes again
To rule among the sons of men.

So much of this song speaks to me. I thought of the words "From him I'll gain my fondest dream." My fondest and most desired dream is to by with my family forever. Along with this comes the hope and desire to be with Tacen again! Because of Jesus Christ, this will one day happen. I will be with Tacen again!
The next part reads, "And while I strive through grief and pain, His voice is heard: 'Ye shall obtain.'" I have felt to a very small extent how I have been able pass through my grief and pain of losing Tacen and I have been able to press forward.  I owe this a loving Savior, who has carried me through the days I couldn't get through on my own.
I love the next part, "I believe in Christ; so come what may." I know that through Christ I can do anything. I can do hard things. I have done hard things and I continue to do hard things. That is a lesson I have learned over the past almost 3 years!
Finally, I loved the last part, "With him I'll stand in that great day.  When on this earth he comes again to rule among the songs of men." Can you imagine what a beautiful day this will be? The day when our Savior comes again to this earth. When we are under his perfect rule. I long for this day because I know it is then that I will be with Tacen again, but I also know that it will be beautiful. The awful parts of this world will be gone. We will live in happiness and joy!

This song really struck my heart strings yesterday and reminded me so much of all I've learned, of the testimony that I have of my Savior, Jesus Christ! The strength he provides! I've grown since the passing of our son Tacen. I continue to learn and grow. I'm thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ who strengthen me. I'm thankful to know that because of Him I will gain my fondest dream!

We All Face Challenges

I've been thinking over the past week or so about how we are all the same. Even though we all have vastly different experiences, we are so similar. Many of us have the same hopes and dreams for ourselves and families. Many of us are faced with challenges. Each is different. For some, like myself, they are faced with the loss of a child or loved one. Others long desperately to have a child, husband or family of their own despite many trials. Whether its that they can't have children of their own, or they simply have not found the person they wish to have a family with and spend their life together. Some struggle with the ability to have several children and each day is long and tiring. Some face difficult health challenges and diseases where the battle is real and they are fighting for their life and strength to overcome! Each of us in our own way is struggling with something.
Since the passing of Tacen I have tried to be more aware of those around me who are having their own individual struggles and think how I can reach out and help them. This is something I have to work at constantly. I'm not perfect, but I know those who reached out in love and concern during our difficult time brought me so much added strength and I know we each need this irregardless of what it is we are faced to overcome. We need each other. A smile, a simple gesture!
I just keep hoping we can look outside of ourselves and strengthen each other. I think so often of Tacen and how I need to be happy for him. I need to do all I can to make myself the best person. My journey in this life isn't over. Tacen's is, but mine is not. I still have more to experience and learn. I still have the ability to strive to make myself a better person. I don't want to waste the time I'm given! Life is short! Let's help each other! Let's see the good! Let's be more today!

Kindergarten

I've played back in forth in my mind to write something and today I just feel like it should write it out. My facebook and instagram has been filled with posts of children on their first day of school. Many of the babies born near Tacen are starting Kindergarten this year. I debated heavily about holding him back even when he was 2. I guess that's the teacher in me coming out. He was behind and I'm pretty certain I would have waited for him to start until next year. Yet, he would be 5! He very easily could have been having his first day of school! I would have been a hot mess I'm sure thinking about sending him into the world. I would have taken his first day of school picture! I would have gotten him new school clothes, a back pack and all the beginning of the year things. Then I would have sat home wondering how he was doing at school. Thinking about how he was doing and waiting anxiously to hear how his first day went. This is another one of the firsts that I am missing out on right now. I wish so much that I could post a picture of Tacen getting ready for school. It's crazy to me to even consider having a 5 year old. I can't even imagine what it would be like, but I as I watch all the cute little kids that were born in 2010 when he was it let's me peek into what he might have been like, what he will be like someday. I would have wondered if I'd taught him enough. If he would be kind to those around him, if they would be kind to him. If he'd make friends. To think of him coming home and telling me about his first day. I think about this often in my own way though. I didn't have enough time with him here. I didn't get to teach him everything I thought I would. I often wonder if I did enough. 28 months isn't long enough to teach someone. I wish I'd had 5 years until I sent him off. I wish he was here making our life crazier. But at least we are almost 3 years closer to seeing him again. Love you sweet boy! Missing you and wishing you were here to go to school and be a little boy with us now!