I've played back in forth in my mind to write something and today I just feel like it should write it out. My facebook and instagram has been filled with posts of children on their first day of school. Many of the babies born near Tacen are starting Kindergarten this year. I debated heavily about holding him back even when he was 2. I guess that's the teacher in me coming out. He was behind and I'm pretty certain I would have waited for him to start until next year. Yet, he would be 5! He very easily could have been having his first day of school! I would have been a hot mess I'm sure thinking about sending him into the world. I would have taken his first day of school picture! I would have gotten him new school clothes, a back pack and all the beginning of the year things. Then I would have sat home wondering how he was doing at school. Thinking about how he was doing and waiting anxiously to hear how his first day went. This is another one of the firsts that I am missing out on right now. I wish so much that I could post a picture of Tacen getting ready for school. It's crazy to me to even consider having a 5 year old. I can't even imagine what it would be like, but I as I watch all the cute little kids that were born in 2010 when he was it let's me peek into what he might have been like, what he will be like someday. I would have wondered if I'd taught him enough. If he would be kind to those around him, if they would be kind to him. If he'd make friends. To think of him coming home and telling me about his first day. I think about this often in my own way though. I didn't have enough time with him here. I didn't get to teach him everything I thought I would. I often wonder if I did enough. 28 months isn't long enough to teach someone. I wish I'd had 5 years until I sent him off. I wish he was here making our life crazier. But at least we are almost 3 years closer to seeing him again. Love you sweet boy! Missing you and wishing you were here to go to school and be a little boy with us now!
