Same Age

Today marks a significant milestone. Daxon. Is as old today as Tacen was the day he passed away. I feel like I can breath a small breath of relief and I also feel like we are in uncharted territory! It's strange that our second son is now as old as our oldest. It's strange that Tacen is immortalized at this age. It strange to watch Daxon pass up Tacen, yet it feels like Tacen should be older. 

I've been waiting to get past this point. I'm thankful, so thankful that Daxon is still doing well and healthy! It's a blessing to watch him grow and develop normally! To watch him progress and grow!  It's a blessing! It's strange to me to think that from here on out we will have had Daxon in our lives longer than we had Tacen here with us. It again strikes me how short a time we had Tacen here with us! It wasn't long enough! Yet I'm grateful and hopeful we can continue to have Daxon here with us and watch him grow knowing that some day we'll be with Tacen again. Until then I keep trying to do my best. Keep learning from the lessons Tacen taught me. Keep trying not to take each day with our little family for granted knowing it can all change too fast. But living grateful for the time we have! Loving these precious children we have in our lives no matter the length, but hoping for longer than we had Tace!

On My Mind

Tacen has been on my mind a lot lately. He fills my thoughts often. I miss him. We are just a few short days away from a large move across the country. We will be taking Daxon out of everything he's ever known and moving him to an entirely new place. I don't think this should affect Iszella too much, since she's so small.
As boxing things up and preparing to move has filled my thoughts and actions as of late I keep thinking of Tacen. I keep thinking how this was the last place he was with us. I keep thinking about how I can picture him playing in this home. That he lived with us here. I think of how when we move into our apartment he won't have lived there with us and every house we live in thereafter, he won't live there. I won't be able to picture him in our home.
It's also made me think of how many wonderful memories we've made here and how hard it is going to be to say goodbye. If you had told me 3 years ago when we moved here how drastic our life would change and all that we would go through I would have told you that you were crazy! Yet, here I am.
Change is hard! I have always struggled with change. So it should be no surprise that this upcoming change would be hard. Yet, this time around its a little different. I know we'll always remember Tacen. That it doesn't take a place to hold him close to my heart, but I feel like I'm losing a little piece of him by leaving. And that hurts a little...