Angels Among Us

Oh I believe there are, angels among us
Sent down to us, from somewhere up above
They come to you and me, in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love.
("Angels Among Us" Alabama)

We had a regional stake conference broadcast on Sunday 9.14.14  Elder Russel M. Nelson was one of the speakers and he spoke about angel. Not the kind with big fluffy, floofy wings, but they kind that are messengers, protectors or just the kind among us who listen to the spirit and help those around them.
After I listened to that talk it stuck with me. Over the past almost 2 years there have been many times when I know Tacen has been near watching over me and our family. There are times when after something happens I know that I was only kept safe because of some unseen being and I choose to believe that it's often Tacen watching over us.
One time last summer we were out biking. Daxon was just over one and riding in the bike trailer. Cade was pulling him and I was riding along with them when a german shepherd dog came out of know where and ran into my bike near my ankle. The dog hit be hard enough I should have fallen over, but I didn't. Then the dog proceeded to try to jump on the trailer and get Daxon. I was filled with rage and adrenaline. It scared us quite a bit. Later as I thought over that instance I fully realized I SHOULD have fallen over! I know Tacen was there watching over us. If I'd fallen over I have no doubt that dog would have bitten me and I'm sure I would have been injured!
I also often felt Tacen near watching over me during my pregnancy with Iszella. I felt like he was trying to keep us both safe and get her here to be apart of our family!
I recently read this quote from a family member's instagram and it again reminded of this thought of angles!

"Those we love don't go away they walk beside us every day unseen, unheard, but always near." -unknown

I would do anything to have my sweet Tacen back with me, but I find it a blessing of him being gone to have our own guardian angel watching over our family. I know he loves us and wants what is best for his family. It brings me comfort to know someone I know and love so much is helping us out! It helps to ease the sting of sadness to realize these small and simple blessings that continue to be made evident in our lives!

I also have thought a lot about being an "angel" to someone in need. There have been many since we lost Tacen who have acted as "angels." They have answered prayers and blessed us in numerous ways far too many to count. I am still often amazed at the kindness and generosity of others. Often from those we don't know that well. It is those who we have been blessed to be surrounded by over the last 2 years who have also been angels. They have helped to make the hard days a little easier!
I think about how when we are in a better financial state how I want to be able to help others as we have been helped! I want to be a hand that helps others and gives back as we have been helped so much. I want to be in tune to the spirit and be able to be the hands to help Heavenly Father answer a prayer.

Love

We just moved across the country. In that process we went through things and I kept coming across pictures and movies on Daxon from the first year or so after Tacen passed away. There is something that I can't explain, but that I love about him here. As I reflected on it more I soon realized a big piece of that is that he saved me. Daxon gave me the much needed purpose I wouldn't have had after losing a child. He brought me (and continues to do so) indescribable joy! The more I thought about it the more I realized that when I see him at that age I see what helped me survive the hardest thing I've experienced in this life! I see my little sun spot in the clouds of grief! 

I've also been filled lately with the feelings of love and gratittude for these precious children. I often look at pictures of Tacen and I am so grateful I got to have him in our home and in our eternal family. I continue to learn so much from him!

Now I look at Daxon and Iszella and I am overcome often with love and joy to have them in our lives. They are little heaven sends to me! They help me better, more patient. They love me no matter what! That is part of being a parent giving of yourself. Being selfless and being loved in return. It's not always easy, but for me its always been worth it!