2 Years

It's been 2 years today since our sweet Tacen passed away! Over the last week I have replayed Tacen's final days and moments in my mind. I have a vivid memory of the last Monday (Oct. 22, 2012). Tacen wasn't feeling well. I had been working to get a hold of Dr. Fulton our neurologist. Tacen wasn't walking (looking back on it I think he made have some paralysis at this point) and we spent much of the day watching TV. I sat next to Tace as he watched his show and I was watching some netflix shoes on the laptop. I have felt sorrow that I didn't just sit and really "be" with him all the way. That's one thing I would have changed if I had known what was coming. I never would have imagined when we took Tacen to the hospital that he wouldn't be coming home with us. We thought we were FINALLY going to get some answers and get things going better for his walking. However, along with that I am thankful we had a week to really comprehend what was happening and accept that Tacen wasn't going to be with us any longer!
It's hard during this time of year not to go back to that time. To his last week and all that transpired. I always feel such mixed feelings. One that we've made it 2 entire years! In the hours, and days following his passing I didn't know how we'd go on and move forward without Tacen. But we've made it this far! We've done it! I know we can continue to do so! I know our Heavenly Father is constantly on our side, carrying us through the difficult days and helping us move on.
In contrast it also feels like FOREVER since I saw Tacen, held him and was with him. It's such a mixture of emotions and feelings.
I do know that Heavenly Father sent us Daxon and Iszella and they were exactly that we needed in our lives over the past two years. They are such a joy to have! Daxon is really beginning to know and learn about his brother Tacen. He knows that he is with Jesus. Just a couple weeks ago in Sacrament meeting I was talking to Daxon about the Sacrament Ordinance taking place and how it was to help us think of Jesus and Daxon looked at me and said "Tacen is with Jesus!"  Daxon and Iszella are such a blessing from Heaven! As is Tacen. Even though we no longer get to have Tacen here with us, he is ours forever! I know one day we will be with him again.
I know he is there watching over us. I miss him terribly. That never goes away! I have gotten more used to it. I have adjusted and adapted. I'm so thankful that we have made it through 2 entire years since he passed. I'm thankful for each person who has made it easier. For the incredible support and love we have been shown time and time again. The people who have touched our lives along the way have been a true heaven send.
My sweet boy, I love you! I think about you all the time. There is not a day that goes by that you don't come into my mind. You taught me so much while you were here with us on earth. You changed me as a person and a mother. Thank you sweet boy for being you! For being apart of our family! Thank you for allowing us to feel your presence and know that you are nearer than we realize. I love you!
Your, Mom