Perspective

If you come by our home on any given day most likely you will find toys strewn about, Optometry school books, a pair or multiple shoes, and many other things. Before Tacen passed away I would pick up all the toys each evening and try to clean everything up. I worried so much about a spotless house with things put away. I'd stress about it and sometimes get frustrated when our home looked less than clean. Now my perspective has changed! I would much rather stop and enjoy the time with Cade and Daxon then stress over all the toys being put away each night. Let me pause by saying that I still value cleanliness, but having everything put away in its own little place isn't so much a priority of mine any longer.
It is the time in my life to have children in our home. To be with them and to have their toys and things scattered about. There will be a time when Cade and I are older, our children are gone and there won't be our children's things. There won't be anyone there to mess it up if you will, but for now I am going to enjoy seeing the hand prints on the mirror, the toys everywhere and enjoy my little family for as long as I have them here!
That all being said my sweet mom came across an article from How Does She that talks about nurturing yourself and grief and what not here are a couple parts that stood out to me.

Little things that may have once bothered me took on a different light. One day, my kids took two worn-out, oversized pillows with seems beginning to split, from their play room and proceeded to tear out all the cotton batting. In the blink of an eye (or the time it took me to unload the dishwasher) it was spread ALL over the entire floor. Their unbridled joy was incredible. They were making trails, “snow” angels, and piling mounds into billowy clouds when I happened upon the scene. Seeing their jubilation, I couldn’t get angry. And in the BIG picture, I was learning not to sweat the small stuff. I was learning slowly but surely, this was “small stuff”. So instead of getting angry, I got out the camera.
I'm thankful that the spirit guided me to know that I needed to stop and enjoy my life right then. I felt very strongly prompted to stop and enjoy my life in the moment last summer. I kept thinking ahead to next summer (Summer 2013) when Daxon would be bigger and interactive. Tacen would be walking better and I just thought things would have been perfect! However, the spirit was there. It was telling me, "Kelsie, stop and enjoy life now."  I tried to listen and there are things that I didn't stop and enjoy and there are moments that I missed capturing.  The pictures below are two I took of Tacen in his element. The first I was nursing Daxon and Tacen got very quite in the kitchen. I went out to find salt dumped all over the kitchen floor and Tacen playing right in the middle of it.
The 2nd was one of Tacen's favorite getting the water out of the fridge drenching himself and playing in the water.

I cherish these pictures and I cherish the new outlook Tacen has given me on life. That it's too short and I need to strive to stop and enjoy each moment!

How Does She also shares:
And whenever I saw an orchid, I thought of what an orchid grower once told me, “some species require an extended cold snap in order to induce a bloom”. She explained how the plant may go through a period where perhaps it feels like it’s dying before it brings forth its greatest beauty. Hmmm. I considered the possibility that there might be a process built into humans that works that way too. And I was encouraged to endure the long, cold feelings in the hopes that someday, I too could bring forth beauty from this tragedy.

I find in my life that there are little little positives (or sometimes large positives) that come from the challenges and struggles we face. Even with the passing of my sweet Tacen there have been little positives. I look for those. I cherish them. You see I can't bring Tacen back, I can't change that he's gone, but I can find those little positives. So I strive to. I also strive to find within myself that process of change, endurance and growth as I go through the trials of life and as I do I grow, my perspective changes and I hope that I am shaped into the person I have the potential of becoming!