Making My Heart Smile

Every so often Daxon will do something that Tacen used to do(the older he gets the more I notice this). It's not all too often because, for being brothers, these two boys couldn't be more polar opposites! The age and phase Dax is in right now though brings out things that Tace used to do more than ever before. This is really a tender mercy and fun for us to see their little similarities every so often. It truly makes my heart smile! I love these two boys so very much!

This picture of Tace was taken around this time last year!

Visiting the cemetery and seeing Tacen's Headstone

Monday (8.19.13) I finally made it out to Tacen's headstone. I had debated heavily if I wanted to go by myself or wait until Cade got there. I finally decided to go and then I'd go back with Cade. It looks so nice and it oddly, made it feel all the more real.
Cade and I went over Sunday (8.25.13) and Cade got to see it for the first time. We were also able to visit once more on Friday (8.30.13) before we headed back home.  Each time tears were shed and it sank in a little deeper (I didn't know that was possible) that he's really gone. The headstone is a beautiful tribute to our sweet boy! Seeing his little face on it was both beautiful and heart wrenching! It represents him well and all the things he loved so much! It felt nice to be able to go and visit and we hope one day to be closer and able to visit more often then we get to under our current circumstances.
Daxon ran around obliviously and Cade and I chatted and missed T!

While out playing on the deck with Daxon(8.19.13) I was sitting in the rocking chair. I noticed this leaf which took me back to the last time I was out playing on my parents deck with Tacen and he was trying to get all the leaves off the deck. It was a sweet reminder that he's closer that I often realize!

Introducing our family of 4...

Yesterday while we were attending sacrament meeting we were able to hear from a member of our ward, who has also lost a child. We've had several new families move into our ward in recent months and she went about introducing her family to those she did not yet know. She went about talking about how they have 4 children, her oldest daughter, her oldest son, who has passed away and would be 15, and then her other two sons.
I've often wondered and struggled with how to go about including Tacen. He's such an important and integral part of our family. I often just say when asked, our oldest son Tacen, passed away last October. But I loved this simple introduction. I have a feeling I will be using this in the future when we introduce our family in new places. I also loved including how old he would be. Because I often think about how he would be 3, and it's an easier way for me to think about it then having to pin down when he passed away. I would much rather dwell on his life and example, on how old he would be than dwell on when he left this life.
These little experiences I have help me to figure out the best way I want to do things and what helps me to handle things best. This is an experience that I will be remembering and using in the future.