Dreaming...

Last night I had a dream that Tacen was back with us. In my dream he had come back and he was 28 months and it was right now because Dax was 22 months. I was so excited to see him again. I was worried about how I would split my time with he and Daxon knowing that I just wanted to hold him and never let him go! The boys were only 6 months apart in age. They were wearing the same size clothes and both in diapers. It was like having twins, but having missed the reality of it over the last 2 years.
When I awoke this morning I couldn't get the idea out of my mind. Often when I think of Tacen still being with us I picture him being 3.5 years old like he would have been, but thinking of him being almost the same age of Daxon brought new thoughts and ideas.
It was fun for me to think about it for a while. I sat and thought about the fact that we are planning to move Daxon in to Tacen's room in the next month or so. I thought about how we would have done that. I remembered how Tace used to fall asleep in front of the door and thought about he and Dax in there falling asleep in front of the door together. We would need another car seat and booster chair for dinner.
I also thought of how jealous the boys would be of each other. I could just see them both wanting myself or Cade. I mentioned this to Cade and he said we'd all wrestle!
I thought of the chaos that would ensue in our lives over the coming months as we prepare to add this sweet baby girl to our family, but how we would go from having one hear to three in a matter of a few short months.
I thought of how much Daxon would love to have Tacen to play with and after they both adjusted to each other how much fun they would have together! I could just picture them being the best of friends!
Most of all I thought of how wonderful it would be to have our little family all together! I thought about how it would be an adjustment. How our days would probably be crazy, but how wonderful they would be! I thought about how above all else that's what I long for the most in life. I long to have our sweet Tacen here with us and have our family together, even if that means it would be utterly chaotic. We'd adapt and it would be oh so wonderful!
It was such a pleasant dream, I almost didn't want to wake up from it. I know that someday we'll have the chance to be together again, but until then sometimes it's nice to get caught up in a dream. To think of what our lives might be like and to enjoy the thought of it all! Because even though I am so thankful for the many wonderful blessing I have in my life. Even though I honestly love my life. I will always long to have Tacen here with us. I will always miss him. He will always be apart of our family!